Men are Looking For Someone To Cherish

“Men are looking for someone to cherish”.  A statement made by a male friend over coffee as I was describing my parent’s relationship. My dad adored my mom and is just biding his time until he sees her again. She died 10 years ago this month and he misses her every day.  He then showed me a fuzzy, extended arm, self-portrait picture from his iphone – his girl was resting her head gently on his shoulder and he was smiling.  Both had a quiet, contented look on their faces. “This is happiness to me; this is what I want” he said.  

Quick, without too much thought, what was your initial reaction to the above paragraph?

If you are a woman did you immediately go into negative mode – “yea, right”, “if that’s true where are these wondrous men?”, or “I’ve only met men who want me to cook, clean and take care of them, they didn’t want to cherish me, just use me”.

How about the men? Were you thinking – “that’s true but women don’t appreciate what I have to offer”; “women are just takers and users; they don’t want to give anything in return”.

Or did you think “Ah, yes. That’s what I want”?

Guess what – you are all right.

I absolutely believe it is a true statement. Strong, mature, grounded men are looking for someone to cherish; strong, mature, grounded women are looking for someone to cherish them. So where is the disconnect? Why do so many relationships break down? Why does seem that no one feels that their needs are being met?

The answer is easy, the solution complex.

Men choose what and how cherishing looks and feels like to them; they never really ask or understand what a woman wants in order to feel cherished. Women often fail to see that his actions are his way of expressing his feelings. Women end up feeling unloved (a terrible place for a woman’s heart to be) and men feel unappreciated and disrespected (cuts to the core of the male ego). More often than not, women start to nag and withhold sex. Men withdraw and do less.

Women: Why won’t he just listen.

Men: Why won’t she just shut up.

Powerful, horrible stuff!

The Solution: Really, truly, at a very deep level get to know yourself. Figure out what you need and learn how to express it. This is a very vulnerable place to go. We have spent years protecting ourselves from our frailties and just as many years blaming others for what we lack. The answer to finding a deeply, committed, connected, loving relationship lies within you. You need to figure out who you are, what your core values are, why you are here, what purpose you serve. Create a strong picture in your mind of what kind of life you want and who you want to create it with. Learn how to express it and ask for it. Then find someone who will fit in that picture. Stop trying to put square pegs in round holes. It doesn’t work.

Be tough and demanding on yourself, set high expectations of your life and then balance that with being gentle and forgiving to yourself and others.  We are all in this together; no one gets out alive.

I really value your feedback and opinions; please feel free to drop me a line. I offer a complimentary 30 minute strategic coaching session if you want to find out if our programs are for you.

“Life may not be the party we planned; but while we are here we might as well dance.”

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