Dating is a Game?

The Dating Game

 Ah yes, the dating arena where there are rules and “players”, tricks, secrets and everyone believes the opposing side has all the answers. There’s a sense that no one truly understands the rules or what winning is for that matter. Yet all single people engage in the “game” and confusion prevails.

 “Why can’t I just be accepted for who I am”; “I’m not into games”; “Men just like the chase”, “Why are women so complicated”; “Men just want one thing”; “Women just want one thing (Gold diggers)” . All negative connotations.

 Let’s flip it on its head – yes it’s a game but games are meant to be fun or at least fruitful. If you don’t like the word game; then call it a plan, a life strategy. Like any other plan or strategy you must do your research and really figure out what you want. You need to figure out your attributes and resources and how best to apply them.

 An example would be our profession or education; we determine what our talents are, we try to figure out how we want to spend our lives, how much resources we have, how much money we need to make and what kind of life we want to carve out. Based on those facts, input from parents, teachers and friends, and an intuitive sense of ourselves, we make our decision.

 Why should your love life be any different? Create a social strategy.

  • Take a really good look at yourself – who are you, what motives you, what excites you, what angers or frustrates you, are you competitive or collaborative, are you quiet and contemplative or are you extremely social and outgoing. Laid back or Type A; country or city; homebody or social butterfly. Test these out on friends and family; ask them for their opinion of you based on your findings.
  • Next you should really examine what you want in another person. This can be tricky – you don’t want your list to be so exhaustive that only a super human qualifies; but you do need to be really clear on what you value in another person. And then ask yourself why you want them to have certain qualities. If the answer to the why is from a place of neediness or weakness you might need to do some more work.
  • Once you are clear on who you are and what you want, the fun begins. You have to create a plan or strategy for meeting the type of person you like. Try to figure out where they go, what his/her interests are, who their connections are – how are you going to find them.  
  • Find yourself a “wing(wo)man” ; someone who understands your strategy and what your intentions are. And then get out there. Make eye contact, smile, make connections, have some great conversations, increase you social circle and have fun playing the game.

But never lose sight of who you are, always be true to yourself and don’t sell yourself short. Incongruence will be soon detected and frustration will occur on both sides if you try to be someone you aren’t.  Don’t limit yourself – be open to the possibilities. Revisit and revise your inventory and your wish list from time to time. 
So remember it is a game. Life is a game. It’s all about finding and discovering yourself through the various stages of your life. And have some fun!

We’d love to hear your feedback/comments.

Wanda